Following a week in which:
- Sergio Ramos scored his 100th goal for Real Madrid.
- Harry Kane scored his 200th goal for Tottenham Hotspur.
- Diogo Jota scored the 10,000th goal in Liverpool football club's history.
- Donald Trump had his 100,000th wee cry to himself since the mail-in ballots began to be counted in the US Presidential election.
We, using quotes from the bests films released in 2016, rank the 15 best teams in Europe:
15. Rangers (New Entry)
"I'm letting life hit me until it gets tired. Then I'll hit back. It's a classic rope-a-dope." (La La Land)
Rangers' 2020/21 season form:
Played: 19
Won: 15
Drawn: 4
Lost: 0
After nine years of watching Celtic win absolutely every trophy in Scotland, Rangers have finally hit back and look heavy favourites to win the SPFL this season.
A classic near-decade long rope-a-dope from Steven Gerrard's side.
14. Juventus (Re-Entry)
"You're my only. I'm your only." (Moonlight)
Chelsea, Atletico Madrid and Real Madrid fans all have a fairly negative opinion of Alvaro Morata because, to put it bluntly, he was absolutely dogsh*t in London and Madrid.
Juventus fans, however, bloody love him.
And that's because whenever Morata is in Turin, he scores goals. A lot of them.
13. Chelsea (Re-Entry)
"Sometimes a blind pig finds a truffle." (Hell or High Water)
Despite Lamps being their manager (and largely thanks to Hakim Ziyech's return to full fitness), Chelsea have improved dramatically in recent weeks - keeping clean sheets, scoring goals, and winning games.
Sometimes a truly hopeless football manager finds a way to win.
12. Real Madrid (Up 3)
"Pretty majestical, aye?"
"I don't think that's a word."
"Majestical? Sure it is."
"Nah, it's not real."
"What would you know?"
"It's majestic."
"That doesn't sound very special, majestical's way better." (Hunt for the Wilderpeople)
Sergio Ramos scored his 100th Real Madrid goal in the club's midweek win over Inter.
That's pretty majestical...or majestic...we'll go with majestical, it sounds way better.
11. Manchester City (-)
"It's f**king over man, that's what my daughter's got to deal with, the Chets of the world, and that f**king kid." (The Nice Guys)
Oh great, Man City beat Olympiacos, Marseille and Sheffield United - three results that do nothing to change the prevailing opinion that the wheels are starting to fall off for Pep Guardiola in Manchester.
It's f**king over man.
10. Borussia Monchengladbach (New Entry)
"You're the guy who beat up my dad."
"Hey."
"No. Sucker-punched your dad. Big difference." (The Nice Guys)
Shakhtar Donetsk are the team that sucker-punched Real Madrid to win 3-2 at the Bernabeu recently, and they're also a team that were put in their place in midweek by a rampant Borussia Monchengladbach.
The German side put six past Shakhtar in Ukraine, with Alassane Plea scoring his first, second and third UCL goals in the win. Good stuff.
9. SSC Napoli (Down 5)
"It is what it is." (Moonlight)
The past 10 days were a microcosm of what we expect will be SSC Napoli's 2020/21 season. A disastrous defeat to Sassuolo sandwiched by two impressive wins over Real Sociedad and Rijeka.
This is who Napoli are.
Sometimes brilliant, sometimes hopeless.
8. Tottenham Hotspur (Up 6)
"This is our chance to make a real difference." (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story)
With Gareth Bale fit, Son Heung-min in the best form of his life and Harry Kane, well, both, many Spurs fans think this season is their big chance to finally end their trophy drought.
And they're right.
It is.
Provided Bale continues to stay fit, Son continues to score goals and Kane, well, does both.
7. LOSC Lille (Up 6)
"Despite knowing the journey...and where it leads...I embrace it...and I welcome every moment of it." (Arrival)
Despite knowing this journey...and where it leads (to Lille inevitably dropping off and watching PSG win Ligue 1)...Lille fans should embrace it...and welcome and enjoy every moment of it.
6. Borussia Dortmund (Up 1)
"Go out there and be a star." (Hail, Caesar!)
Erling Haaland's international and club record this season:
Played: 11.
Goals: 15.
Assists: 3.
Yes, Haaland is a superstar, and yes, Real Madrid should pay the £3000000 trillion to sign him next summer.
5. Real Sociedad (New Entry)
"The sky is the limit" (The Handmaiden)
This section comes courtesy of La Liga expert Chris Deeley, who you can follow on Twitter here.
Martin Odegaard left La Real a year earlier than he was meant to. That was sad. They replaced him with David Silva, and nine of the 12 players who have started at least half of their league games are 25 or younger. That's not sad.
They're a young, exciting team playing – and this is the key bit – like a smart, experienced team. They're top of the league, and they deserve to be there. The sky's the limit, and they're on a plane taxiing down the runway right now.
4. AC Milan (Down 2)
"Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt." (The Nice Guys)
AC Milan's 23 game unbeaten run, and perfect start to the 2020/21 season, did come to an end on Thursday night, but look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt. And they're still top of Serie A.
3. Leicester City (Re-Entry)
"Ok. Let your head rest in my hand. Relax. I got you. I promise. I won't let you go. Hey man. I got you. There you go. Ten Seconds. Right there. You in the middle of the world." (Moonlight)
When every single one of Leicester City's best players went down injured, Foxes' fans panicked - they didn't know how their club would cope without Jamie Vardy, Wilfred Ndidi and co.
However, Big Brendy Baps quickly eased these nerves. He said "relax. I got you. I promise", and tactically worked it out. He worked out a new way to attack, a new way to defend, and a new way to win.
Credit where it's due, Big Brendy Baps is big time.
2. Liverpool (Up 3)
"The daughter of a legendary thief, who sewed winter coats out of stolen purses. Herself a thief, pickpocket, swindler. The saviour who came to tear my life apart. My Tamako. My Sookee." (The Handmaiden)
A Liverpool team from six years ago did the rounds on Twitter this week, and it was a pretty jarringly bad team. Alberto Moreno, Lazar Markovic, Javier Manquillo...you name a terrible footballer, chances are he was in this team.
For many, the main takeaway from seeing a just how bad Liverpool were in 2014 was just how good they are now, and how fantastic a job Jurgen Klopp has done at Anfield.
He is the saviour who came to tear that terrible Liverpool team apart.
1. Bayern Munich (-)
"Boy, You'd think there were ten of me." (Hell or High Water)
Boy, you'd think there were ten of Joshua Kimmich during every Bayern Munich.
He is omnipresent.
He is brilliant.
He is the best footballer in the world. Bar none.
Source : 90min