CeleryGate - where will it end?

It's my sad duty to announce that 'CeleryGate' has taken a turn for the worse.
Following the dispicable act by mindless costamongers who are fencing the class-A drug celery, four Chelsea addicts have being arrested and banned from attending matches at the Bridge.

Following Chelsea's stunning FA Cup replay victory at Spurs, a victory generated, in part by the marvellous Chelsea supporters cheering the boys home, three Chelsea supporters were arrested - two for throwing the demon drug celery and one for pitch incursion.

In addition, one person was seen throwing celery and reported to the club. All four people have been banned by the club and three will face court bans depending on the outcome of any criminal proceedings

The epidemic that is celery throwing is taking south-west London by storm .
Police and club officials are begging supporters not to succumb to it's evil influence.
If you see a greengrocer peddling celery, please do your civic duty - report him or her to the cops or phone CeleryStoppers on 0800 123, where you can report the incident to the speaking clock, for free.

We have got to stop this now. Has it got to take a child to die from a cocktail of celery and raisins before law-abiding supporters grass on their fellow fans.
Do it now.

For those who wish to take the season tickets of the banned fans, go to Chelsea's official ticket touting agency now.